I am sitting in my bed in Sarasota sick to my stomach trying not to think about the life that lies ahead of me. Ever since NOLA less than a year ago, my life has taken a sudden turn, for the better. Although, right now it's hard to see that. I thought I knew what I wanted in life, but apparently not. I am lost in the midst of finding.. ME. How does this work? Before these trips began I thought I knew the people who surrounded my life. The friends I thought knew me, and the acquaintances who I took for granted. Looking back I see so much more. These friends couldn't even say they have seen me for my worst, not once have they picked me up from rock bottom. I can also say they have not taken me to such a high that I never want to come down from. While all this is happening, I simultaneously realize the people who I have not known for what people consider a long time, are the ones that know me better than any other single person in this entire world. How can these "strangers" seem to pick me up from the most vulnerable state and take me to a level I have never seen before. I suppose it's the work we do together. When you attempt to change someone's life for the better it is like something like nothing else. There is so much happening, when in reality, all you're doing is swinging a hammer.
These people are my family. I see them and all I want to do is send my love. Never have I experienced something so deep in my entire life. The prejudice is vacant and all misrepresentations they have had before are dismissed. These are the people I see for who they truly are. There is this power and energy we share together. I can see exactly who they are without any candy coating they put forward for the world to slowly lick away at. And along with this, they see the same in me. I've never found even one person who can make me feel the way they do, and with these trips I have found four; Danny, Amir, Murph, and Heidi.
I still do not know what I want to do for a job, or where I am going to live, or who I am going to marry.. but what I do know is how to love unconditionally with no boundaries. I owe this completely to these people and these trips. I also know who I am honestly. I know who I am now, who I want to become one day, and where I am going personally. Life is short, crazy, and SO beautiful. I now cherish every second, and every single person my life takes me across.
Power to the peaceful.
Coral Claire Dowsland :)
